Last night I was sitting outside of my house with Niels sharing his jumper. It was four am, and after the party, and I wasn’t … quite myself, to put it classy.
And judging from the things he told me that I will forever pretend to have forgotten the morning after, I have a question for the universe.
Do boys just regularly admit to loving when you’re drunk, thinking hopefully you won’t remember but knowing it counts as though they’ve told you? Is that all boys? Or is it just the ones I come across..?
Leon graduated yesterday.
It was mid afternoon and I was walking up to his school’s entrance in a blue dress and heels, and he called me and told me to look to my right.
He was walking towards me smiling in his graduation gown, with the cap in his hand, and the sun right behind his back, and he looked so impossibly handsome.
I think that’s how I’m gonna remember him forever.
It made me very sad, and then very furious, and then very sad again, that I knew your past and your present and I wouldn’t know your future. I wanted to help you carry cardboard boxes when you moved out, and make a toast at your wedding, and know your kids.
With ordinary people, sometimes you stop for a moment and think “that was great”. With the people engraved in your heart, you don’t. You go on with them, and never realize you love them so much they have grown inside of you like another organ. And when they’re taken away from you, it’s like having to heal and redirect and enormous amount of vessels and veins and nerves that had their place and now are gone.
this is like when you’re sitting with someone that you really like then you like touch knees or something and all of a sudden you feel all this energy going through both of you through this one point of contact
this gif is kinda like that
best of: my previous relationship
Never call someone late at night. If they ask you if you love them you might give in and say yes.
Is is worth it, is it worth it any more?
Down the drain, down the drain and off we go,
One more time, tangled up and you don’t know
and I would tell you that I love you but I think I’d make it worse
And you don’t know,
And I can’t tell you, and it doesn’t matter any more,
cause he’s got no time for you,
he’s got no time for you,
so much time for writing letters
but never time to make it better
no minutes on the clock,
he said he’s got no time for you
“But oh, god! I longed to write to you, a letter every day, every hour of day, to pour my heart out after playing it safe and tell you that I missed you like I’d never missed anything before…
I longed to tell you how you’d taken such a big piece of my heart I had difficulty breathing, and how I often found myself immersed in our memories instead of living in the present; how I went to sleep every night needing your voice next to my ear and woke up every morning expecting to find you sharing my bed, awake, studying my breathing… My head was sometimes a cloud of happiness at the thought of our days together and the many things I could remember from your eyes, and your touch, and the riddles you spoke; other times, it was the darkest, loneliest abyss, and the miles between us pushed on my chest until I feared for my heart.
How many wonderful things had we done together, and how many things I still wanted to do, and how long it would take us to do such a thing, if ever…
But something inside me knew that we were to meet again, because even though I felt as miserable as ever when we had to part, a small, timid voice inside me said, “why, don’t you know you’ll be meeting again?” and that gave me the certainty that I’d be seeing my reflection in your green eyes one day, and so I kept my emotions at bay and decided to write to you when my heart could cope with the waiting for your reply”